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Since day one, you captured my heart, brought light to my life and a sparkle to my eyes. You gave me a new reason to
live; a reason to WANT to live. Together or apart, you rule my life and reign my heart, and sometimes I know u dont understand,
u question my motives, and my feelings. But truth be told, i cannot express exactly how I feel. "I love you" doesnt say enough.
You give me something no one else can ever give me.... you bring happiness to my life. A happiness that family nor friends
could ever bring. I can sit here and say "I love you" all day but at the end of the day, I know I havent said enough. I know
you dont understand how I feel or how anyone could "possibly love u" the way that I do, but I'm trying so hard to make things
less confusing. So hard, in fact, that its breaking my heart to know that you still dont understand. You say that you arent
boyfriend material and all of this other shit... but you dont see what I do. You think you're nothing because you dont have
a job and you arent Mr. Harvard, but what you dont understand is that those things dont make a person. And no amount of money
or education or brains or fame or any of that shit will ever make me love you any more or any less that what I do right now.
I could care less if you were rich, or poor. I love you. I want so bad to go back to the days when you and I being together
was okay, but I cant turn back time or change the past... that's physically impossible. The only thing I can possibly do is
to show you every day how much you mean to me. For once in my life, Im doing the right thing and not running away. Im here.
Im here confessing my feelings... trying to show you exactly how much you mean to me. And I will admit.... I made a mistake.
I've made a lot of mistakes, and I know you question my love because of them, but Im trying to prove to you that you mean
the world to me.... you have my whole heart... and I cant move on because the truth is, I cant see my life without you. You
tell me when we kiss that it just feels so right... so then why are you pushing me away? Why is it so hard to believe that
somebody loves you? Sometimes I sit here and ask my self... why it is that you are still there for me, after all I've put
you thru. Why do you still care about me... after all of the bullshit I've caused. Then i realize that when you really love
someone, the bullshit and drama and shit dont matter... they are simply tests... to see if its really love. Well guess what
sweetheart... Im still here, still loving you, still missing you, still wanting you. Im not exactly sure what else to say....
I could say I love you a thousand times... but that will never be enough.
I want so bad to go back to the days when we were together and shit seemed so perfect... but loving you taught me something.
That love isnt perfect. It has its fairy tale moments, but it is never smooth sailing. I know that I wont always get to see
you, and that I wont always get to talk to you, and that I wont always have your full attention. Im well aware that we will
have our fights and sometimes I'll get annoyed by your little antics, and I may try to make myself believe that I dont love
you anymore. But when the cards all fall and the day turns to night, I realize.... I do love you. Love isnt perfect... and
live isnt a romance novel. But when you really truely love someone, you work thru shit and just remember that there will always
be better days.... and at the end of the day, all that matters is that you love eachother. But I feel like its too late sometimes.
You say you're still there and that I havent lost you... but sometimes I feel as though I have. Sometimes I feel as though...
idk... that we have tried so many times and things keep going wrong.... and that you feel as though its not even worth your
time anymore. I dont want you to hide your feelings or smoke your pain away.... I want to know how you feel. I NEED to
know how you feel.
I know that sometimes I confuse you, and that I still have a hard time telling you how I feel... but thats because Im
so scared that maybe you just dont love me anymore.... and to tell you how I feel and get rejected would break my heart even
more. Im sure I can live life without you... as a matter of fact, I've been forced to at times. Im just not sure that I want
to. People change.... they have to. You have had my heart for so long, that Im just not sure what I would do without you being
a part of my life. And Im sure that If I told you "baby I still love you".... if I read you what Im writing now... you wouldnt
feel the same. And Im just not sure that I want to acknowledge that. Im not sure that I can tell my heart "he doesnt love
you anymore" Theres this song.... "Love dont live here anymore..." n sometimes I feel like thats how you feel. Part of the
song goes... "you abandoned me... love dont live here anymore." I've left you so many times.... stopped calling so many times...
that maybe you just dont love me anymore. Maybe you wont let your heart feel for me anymore. Maybe you think Im just going
to hurt you.... but those are not my intentions. I just want us to be together again.... thats all I ask for when I turn in
at night. Baby... you are my life... you have my whole heart... and no matter how many guys come along, no one will ever do
for me what you do. I know that Im young n that there will be other guys... but I just dont want to be like my dad. Every
so often, a song comes on the radio that reminds him of his high school sweetheart. They talked about getting married and
moving in together.... he was her first love and she was his life.... but he messed up and let her go. I dont want that to
be me. I dont want to regret letting you go. I dont want to think back 20 years asking myself "why did I let him go?" I want
you to be there, by my side, with me. I want you to be there to hold me every day and sleep with me every night. I want you
to be the person I run to every day when life doesnt go right. You are wise beyond your years, and maybe you think that Im
immature and that what I feel for you is just puppy love. Im not sure. All I know is how I feel for you. I cant see my life
without you. As I said before, Im sure that I could live without you..... Im just not sure that I want to.
"All i ever wanted wuz for us to have a home n grow old together, but life never asked me what i wanted. Now im gonna
give him my whole heart... but dont think I'll ever be able to look at another sunset without thinking of you. I'll love u
my whole life"
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